The first presidential debate is in just two days. Expect arguments over taxes, health care, jobs, foreign policy and perhaps a statement or two that either candidate might wish he could take back.
But some topics, we're fairly certain, will not come up Wednesday in Denver. Somehow these issues have so far escaped blistering pundit criticism or secret videotaping. But The Star has been digging, digging, digging.
Have you seen a political ad about Vice President Joe Biden's golf handicap? No!
Who else would track down the Romneys' getaway car in the "Seamus" caper? We did!
And what about the Oval Office rug? Why hasn't Rush Limbaugh pounced on that scandal?
So, here's the inside scoop, but you'll have to work for it -- it's in quiz form to test your political acumen.
Twelve or more correct, and there's probably a place waiting for you on a candidate's plane. Eight to 11, you still rate as a political insider in our book. Four to seven, perhaps you can ride in the back of the campaign bus as an intern. Less than four? Sorry. Our operatives say we'll have to throw you under the bus.
1. What did Mitt Romney suggest recently to improve air safety?
A. Fewer air controllers
B. Windows that open on jetliners
C. Younger pilots
2. Barack Obama referred in a speech to a tragedy, saying, "Ten thousand people died -- an entire town destroyed." To what disaster was he referring?
A. A hurricane in Texas
B. An earthquake in China
C. A tornado in Kansas
3. Which golf twosome reportedly has the lowest average handicap?
A. Obama and Biden
B. Former presidents Bill Clinton and George Bush
C. House Speaker John Boehner and former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice
4. Who was quoted in a GOP ad running this June as chiding: "Shame on you, Barack Obama."
A. Bill Clinton
B. Hillary Clinton
C. Chelsea Clinton
5. According to a poll, what percentage of Republicans in Ohio said Romney is "more responsible" for Osama bin Laden's death than Obama?
A. 5 percent
B. 10 percent
C. 15 percent
6. For her convention speech, Ann Romney wore a red Oscar de la Renta dress that cost $1,990. First lady Michelle Obama wore a Tracy Reese number. How many of Michelle's dresses could one buy for the same cost as Ann's?
7. If you add the heights of Barack and Michelle (removing those 3-inch heels) and those of Mitt and Ann, how many inches taller are the Democrats?
8. If one combines the ages of the couples, how many years older are the Republicans?
A. 9 years
B. 19 years
C. 29 years
9. Biden once sold used cars. What did GOP vice-presidential nominee Paul Ryan do?
A. Sexed chickens for Tyson
B. Drove the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile
C. Spent summers as an Orkin exterminator
10. Romney and Obama went to Harvard Law School. Biden (barely) got his law degree at the University of Syracuse in New York. Where did Ryan get his law degree?
A. Georgetown in Washington, D.C.
B. University of Wisconsin at Madison
C. Miami University in Ohio
11. What statue does Romney want to restore to the Oval Office?
A. A Remington bronco buster
B. A bust of Winston Churchill
C. A bust of Ronald Reagan
12. Most presidents change the rug in the Oval Office, but what is wrong with Obama's?
A. The eagle faces the wrong way, toward the claw with the arrows.
B. It is missing two stars that represent the states.
C. It misattributes a quote.
13. As we all know, Seamus, the Romney's Irish setter, once rode atop the car to Canada, but what was the make of the station wagon?
A. Chevrolet Caprice
B. American Motors Eagle
C. Ford Fairlane
14. In a recent Vanity Fair article excerpting a new book, "Obama's Way," why was it a good thing Obama was not relaxing on the Truman balcony in the evening last Nov. 11?
A. Lightning struck the White House garden.
B. A bullet hit a nearby window.
C. An Alabama high school band mooned the White House.
15. Which listing of names is those of Mitt's five sons?
A. Ben, Josh, Craig, Matt and Tagg
B. Brad, Jeff, Mark, Caleb and Tadd
C. Biff, Jason, Chuck, Mitt Jr. and Trigg
1. B. Windows that open on jetliners, after his wife's plane filled with smoke.
2. C. Greensburg, Kan., where 10 died.
3. C. Boehner (7.9) and new Augusta member Rice (14.7) edge out Obama and Biden (17 and 6.3). Clinton (once said to be a mulligan-laden 12) is rusty, and Bush (15) cut back because of the war. Romney? He doesn't play.
4. B. Hillary Clinton.
5. C. 15 percent. The poll, conducted early last month, also found 47 percent of Republicans are "not sure" whether Obama or Romney deserves more of the credit.
6. C. Four. We ain't talking Target here.
7. A. Two. Mitt is 1 inch taller than Barack, but Michelle is 3 more than Ann.
8. C. 29. Mitt and Ann are 65 and 63. Barack and Michelle are 51 and 48.
9. B. Ryan worked for Oscar Meyer.
10. C. Trick question. Redhawk Ryan completed his double major in political science and economics from Miami University. His wife, Janna, is the lawyer in the family, getting her Juris doctor at George Washington University.
11. B. In London, the Republican said he'd return Winnie, replaced by Abraham Lincoln, when Obama moved in.
12. C. The rug attributes the words "The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice" to King, who did use them, but the author is Theodore Parker, a pre-Civil War abolitionist.
13. A. A very-well-hosed-off Chevy Caprice.
14. B. Oscar Ortega-Hernandez was charged with firing nine semiautomatic rifle slugs from a car parked on Constitution Avenue, one of which hit a balcony window.
15. A. Ben, Josh, Craig, Matt and Tagg.